A Letter I Will Likely Never Send.

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If you’re reading this: Thank you.

I don’t expect your time, I’m only asking. I have a few things to say to you.

First of all: I’m sorry.
I was angry for a whole entire year. I thought I was mad at you, but I was wrong. I was mad because I thought I knew you, so your actions were shocking to me. I don’t know you. I never knew you. I’m sorry for projecting my mental image of who you were onto you; creating pressure for you to act accordingly.
I did not know I was doing it at the time.

Second of all: Thank you.
Regardless of how mistaken I was about who you were, there were parts I have carried with me and I’m grateful for all of it. The memories are very precious to me. I try to preserve them by NOT revisiting them.
More so than the memories, I am grateful for everything you taught me. Not just theories about time travel or crucial concepts regarding space exploration, but also some things about myself. Your really helped me get serious about my future. I’m so grateful that you encouraged me to try harder. All of my hard work is paying off, slowly but surely.

I want to thank you for your attitude and behavior while we were still stuck on campus together. At the same time, I want to apologize for mine.
Seeing you doing what I wanted to do with you with other girls was torture. Not seeing you has done everything but make me forget you. I have forgiven, I have missed, and I have mourned the loss of you.
Now, Its time to let go and move on. I could not do so having left you with such a negative impression. You have caused me more pain than any other person or event in my life, but you also filled me with more joy than I have ever known.

Of all the tings I can remember, so many of the greatest moments were spent with you. The year we spent in eachother’s company was one of the most productive, profound times of my life. It was undoubtedly the happiest I’ve ever been.
You were a good friend to me. I am so sorry for not acknowledging your vast importance in my life. I’m sorry for not being as equally important to you or as good of a friend.
My mistakes with you have changed me. My time with you changed me. You changed, too, I’m sure.
If you read this all, please understand how much I appreciate it. I hope like hell you’re happier now. I know I’m not, but that is a sacrifice worth making if it makes you happy. Go make your dreams come true. Never settle for less. You are the most intelligent man I know and you have a lot to share.
Share it with someone who deserves you.

Sincerely,
Jillian

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