Two Years Ago Today…

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I believed I would be preparing for a big move soon. I fantasized about graduating from college with my one true love and moving away together for grad school. We would find an apartment together and be happy. I imagined a world where we grew together as a unit of some sort. Perhaps a romantic couple? This was how life was looking and how I truly hoped it would go.

This is not at all how my life has gone. I graduated a semester earlier than planned. I moved to New York not three weeks after finishing classes. I got a job at a law firm in Manhattan in March and I’ve been saving up since then. I’m studying for my GREs and thinking about what programs to apply for. I’m thinking about what state I should live in. I’m trying to build a new life and I’m doing it all alone.

I have no idea where life is heading. I only know my experiences and those are in the past. My life has changed so fast that I can barely keep up. I feel like I’m living someone else’s life. I want to escape this third-person reality. Life is rushing by and I don’t have time to stop and think anymore.

Time used to pass so slowly, measured by heartbeats. I paced myself with the rise and fall of his chest. I could not imagine life without this source of infinite wisdom. This goldmine of sensory pleasure and intellectual stimulation. You were my perfect little combination of traits and characteristics and I adored each tiny detail about you. I wanted to know it all.

I do believe I knew you quite well; however, I feel you may have changed just as quickly as life can. Before my eyes, but without my knowing, you let go of the fondness you once held for me. It happened as fast as lighting strikes. You can’t quite react until its passed; then the roll of thunder drones on in outrage.

How long until this storm passes? When will I see the sun again? When can I lay upon the warmth of your skin? Will I ever again drown in your scent, to the tune of your deafening heartbeat? Will I ever forget about you? Will you ever remember me? Why do I bother? Where do I go from here?

All I know for sure is that you’re gone and I miss you.

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