Something Greater

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Have you ever noticed that no matter where we are in life, there always seems to be something greater that we’re missing?

For a long time, I truly felt like I was missing out on something. As a child, I was convinced I was missing out on a “normal” life. I was very sure that the way my family interacted was just totally out of the ordinary. I figured there was a way that “normal” families functioned and I yearned for normalcy. I would do my best to make my house look like the ones on TV; cleaning and reorganizing late at night while everyone else slept. I wanted to tweak everything a little bit until it was perfect. I believed in perfection.

We all know that perfection is the stuff of fairy tales. We know that damsels in distress don’t actually get saved by princes in shining armor. We learned the hard way that the dragons keeping us locked up don’t breathe fire; they don’t lurk outside the castle walls, keeping any such salvation from reaching our quarters.
No, we know now, rather, that the dragons are inside of us. They lurk in the darkest corners of our minds, building walls to keep salvation out. They manifest themselves as insecurities and fears; inadvertently keeping us locked up. We are the dragons that must be defeated. We are the key to our own salvation; any such knight or prince who wishes to rescue us from our tower of doom must first break through the walls and defeat the dragons. They must find those dark corners and they must pry us out from behind our barricades.

If we wish to be saved we must be willing to knock down our protective walls.
We must seek salvation, we must believe its coming.
We can not simply cling to that which brings us comfort: our darkness.
We must reject the safety of solitude; the familiarity of isolation.
We must be willing to see the world from outside of ourselves.
We have to be our own heroes.

I hope someday I’m brave enough to be my own hero.
I hope that after all this time dreaming of being saved; I will find the strength to save myself.
I hope that, in an effort to make my world a better place, I can make it better for someone else, too.

I know that there is something greater. I know that there is a happiness, which I have yet to feel. I know that someday I will reach this ever-elusive level of bliss and joy. I just need to figure out how.

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3 thoughts on “Something Greater

  1. We make our own joy — and not by making our lives “better” somehow, but by finding happiness in the lives we have. If you are constantly thinking to yourself that “this would make me happy” when you achieve it, there will only be one more horizon off in the distance that’s calling your name, telling you that you’ll be happy when you reach it.
    I see you’ve been reading me. Do drop a line, darling. I’d love to hear from you.

    Like

    • Yes, that is exactly the feeling i was trying to convey. This feeling of “the grass being greener,” or that this life could be better if only it weren’t yours. That true happiness will be my reward for “x.” Instead, I’m trying to tell myself I’ll be happy one way or another and it matters not how I get there; just that I learn to let myself out of the darkness every once in a while.

      I have been thoroughly enjoying your stories, you have a lovely way of writing so that I can hear the words as if they were my own thoughts inside my head. I will try to add some verbiage as I continue through the Table o’ Contents. :]

      Like

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