My mother will be waiting for me at Back Bay. I am about an hour and a half away from arrival. I wish I could put into words exactly what it feels like to anticipate arriving home after a month or two of being away.
Every time I go back, I’m surprised by the smell of my own house. Its a scent that you tend to get used to when you’re around it everyday for your whole life. After a month or two away, I can’t even conjure up a memory of the smell of home. I know that in about 2 hours, I will be smelling that smell.
The way it feels to be with my mother is something that I miss so much, it brings tears to my eyes. I was known as a crybaby as a child, however, as an adult, I rarely allow tears to emanate from my ducts. The resistance leaves a burning feeling beneath my skin, a similar feeling tends to muster in the center of my chest.
Its like jumping from the high dive. You know everything is okay, but as you fall towards the water, you have a second thought. Once you’ve taken the leap, you can’t go back; but it takes so long to hit the water that you start to think about what you’re actually doing. From a lower altitude, the amount of time it takes to hit the water is so short, you don’t have time to notice it. In your painfully aware state, you anticipate your arrival at the water. Its almost as if time has slowed down for you. You were brave enough to take that leap, but in the midst of the fall, you begin to panic.
What if you can never go back? Well, you can’t go back. What if you don’t make it? Well, if you keep going, you’ll always make it where you’re headed. What if you get hurt? Then you dust yourself off and you push onward.
Life has a way of testing you; pushing you when you’re down. I guess what I’m trying to say is, you just have to keep going in life. Like Dory from Finding Nemo said, “just keep swimming.” Even if you can’t see where you’re going; you don’t remember where you came from; just keep going.